“Like all soldiers do, we just crack on and get our heads down. We take care of everything and everyone else before we take care of ourselves.”
However, Tony reached the point where he knew he needed help to cope with the overwhelming issues that were affecting his daily life.
Tony, originally from Durham and now living near Cambridge, has shared his story for Armed Forces Week (23 to 28 June) to highlight the importance of talking about mental health, and the support he has received from Op COURAGE.
Essex Partnership University NHS Foundation Trust is one of the lead partners which provides the specialist mental health service for military veterans in the east of England.
Tony was 16 when he joined the Army, only two weeks after finishing his GCSEs.
He was born into a military family – his grandfather had served in the Navy during the Second World War and his parents, stepdad, sister and brother-in-law all served in the Army.
Tony wanted to quit three times during his initial training but ended up staying for over 16 years, working his way up to the rank of Sergeant.
His career started with the six years in the Royal Artillery before compulsory transfer into the Adjutant Generals Corps. He served in the UK, Germany, Northern Ireland and the Netherlands with a Signals Brigade Headquarters, Royal Engineers, Royal Logistics Transport Regiment, a Multinational Headquarters and a NATO Regional Command.
Tony, now 52, said: “At less than two months past my 18th birthday, I deployed to Bessbrook Mill in South Armagh in January 1991. It was a challenging experience for any one of that age.
“I later did another Op Banner tour in west Belfast, which although not as intense due to my main role, certainly had many of the same challenges when I had the opportunity to be out on patrol.
“It takes grit and determination to be able to do that every day, away from your family, friends and ‘normal life’.
“By the same measure, I have immense respect for the young men and women that were deploying to Iraq and Afghanistan. I feel what the danger and risks of those operations far surpassed what I did, as serious as Northern Ireland was.”
Tony left the Army in October 2005.
He started a new career in IT, initially as a contract worker, but later moving to a role within local government. He now supports over 250 colleagues on systems that are used for the provision of all aspects of social housing, from tenancies, to rents and repairs.
“In driving out the gate on my last day serving, my entire life changed in a moment,” he said.
What he witnessed in the Army and the loss of a whole way of life contributed to Tony’s struggles with his mental health. The death of his stepdad, the fallout from the breakdown of his two marriages, childhood trauma, and financial struggles added to him “feeling like every day was a fight for existence.”
Tony sought help from workplace counselling and his GP, but he felt they lacked the understanding of how military life impacted him mentally and physically. His GP then recommended Op COURAGE.
It is an NHS community mental health service that supplements existing NHS mental health services.
The team includes experts working in psychiatry, psychology, occupational therapy, mental health nursing, as well as employment specialists and support workers. All either have a military background, or experience of working with people in the armed forces.
Tony, a dad-of-three, said: “There have been many times where I’ve either been close to, or at a point of crisis and it’s incredibly hard to control those kinds of feelings. It takes every grain of physical and mental strength to hold yourself one step away from the edge.
“I consider myself very lucky, that in those moments, I’ve been able to pick up the phone. Previously it would have been a call to the regular crisis line, but now I’ve got a direct line to Op COURAGE.
“You’ve got somebody who can relate to the experiences, the struggles and the trauma as well as the associative factors of what has happened within the military. It’s a big inflatable cushion you land on when you’re falling.”
On one occasion he was given grocery vouchers to help him through a period of financial struggles, which he was also very grateful for.
He said Op COURAGE is a friendly and non-judgmental service that has got him through some very difficult times.
Tony has felt very isolated since leaving the military but has found a new community in online gaming. It started with a challenge from his 10-year-old son to set up a gaming channel on YouTube and get 50 subscribers.
He now has 1,520 subscribers from around the world and describes it as building a peer group similar to the camaraderie in the military. He is open about speaking about his mental health struggles and has helped others who have had their own personal challenges.
“If you set up a mental health service for men to sit around playing video games it would probably be quite effective,” he laughed.
“It gives us the opportunity to talk about life in general and have discussions about anything and everything.
“But, if anyone has an issue, there’s always someone to provide a listening ear, no matter the time of day or night, or where they are in the world.
“I’m happy to talk about my mental health because I know talking about it helps. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of seeing the fallout when people can’t get help when they need it most.
“Just having the conversation doesn’t necessarily fix the problems. What it does is get it off your mind and have someone listen and understand. You can then help each other to find a way forward.
“My only hope is where I have helped someone, if they see somebody that’s in equal need, that they pay it forward.”
- Op COURAGE is an NHS community mental health service that supplements existing NHS mental health services. It is for veterans and their families in Norfolk, Suffolk, Essex, Hertfordshire, Bedfordshire, Cambridgeshire and Milton Keynes.
EPUT delivers the service alongside Norfolk and Suffolk NHS Foundation Trust, St Andrew’s Healthcare, Mental Health Matters, and the military charities The Warrior Programme and Walking With The Wounded.
For more information visit Op COURAGE: The Veterans Mental Health and Wellbeing Service.