To coincide Neurodiversity Celebration Week (17 to 23 March), Ella Topping, a Clinical Audit Facilitator at Essex Partnership University NHS Foundation Trust, shares how her recent diagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and autism helped her discover more about herself.
“I’ve lived my whole life feeling ‘different’ and never knowing why.
Not knowing why I wasn’t invited to my friends’ houses after school, why I was always the kid left with no one when we paired up in class and why I found certain things so hard that others seemed to breeze through.
Now, at 29, I finally have answers. Last year I was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism, and it feels like the answer to all those questions I had growing up and the new ones that came along as I entered adulthood.
Finding out I was neurodivergent was not only a relief, but also a really challenging thing to process and internalise. Suddenly, my identity wasn’t so clear anymore and I found myself asking a new question: who am I?
Personally I found the autism diagnosis harder to come to terms with – there is no medication, no treatment (unlike ADHD), and I struggled to work out what exactly this meant for me.
Objectively I knew I wasn’t any different to the Ella I was before the diagnosis, but emotions rarely work on logic and I started to worry about what my future looked like as an autistic person.
Did this mean I would face discrimination by employers? Would I have a shorter life expectancy? Will I struggle to achieve what I want to achieve in my career? Will I be misunderstood?
Slowly but surely I have learned above all else to accept the way I am and to appreciate my neurodivergence for what it has given me.
It’s the reason I’m good at writing, the reason I took so easily to music as a child, the reason for my unshakeable sense of right and wrong and of justice and fairness.
As time has gone on I’ve realised more and more that it is only because of the way our society is set up that neurodivergence is still seen as a deficit, and that in reality it’s no different to having blue eyes instead of brown.
It is simply a difference in the way the brain works, impacting on information processing, and that with the right adjustments and support neurodivergent people can flourish.
I wanted to share my story for anyone who is exploring diagnosis or has recently been diagnosed.
It’s an experience full of mixed emotions and there is no right or wrong way to adjust.
I fully relate to the juxtaposed feelings of relief of having an answer, but as if you don’t know who you are any more.
My advice for anyone going through this is to speak to someone close to you that you trust, seek a community of people who may relate to your experiences and most importantly be kind and patient with yourself.
You can’t expect to reframe your entire life existence in the space of a few weeks.
But seeking support and community really helps that process and can make you feel much less alone.”
- Neurodiversity Celebration Week is all about challenging misconceptions, breaking down barriers, and celebrating the strengths and talents of neurodivergent people.
You can find out more on the Neurodiversity Celebration Week website.